I Didn't Know I Needed It

Hello hello! I hope you are enjoying your tea... or coffee.

Have you ever felt God calling you to do something, and you really didn’t want to do it?

Well, I have—many times, if I’m being honest. It makes me think of when I ask my kids to clean their rooms. They really don’t want to do it and may drag their feet, but eventually, it gets done. Now, don’t get me wrong—this might include a lot of complaining and even some tears.

Sometimes, I think we can be a little like children when God asks us to do something. Maybe we’re not outwardly complaining, but inside, we’re grumbling about what He has asked us to do. We might drag our feet or do it half-heartedly.

When God called me to be a stay-at-home mom after my youngest was just a few months old, I have to admit—I didn’t want to do it. It was clear this was what God wanted for our family, but it wasn’t what I wanted or had planned. I wanted to work. I had been teaching for seven years and loved it. I worked hard for my degrees and didn’t want to give that up.

People always asked if I was going to quit, and I would respond with a quick, “No!” I loved the routine I had, the kids I got to teach, and spending time with them every day. I felt like I was making a difference, just like a former teacher did for me.

Once the decision was made, we agreed it would just be for a year and that we would reevaluate each year. Six months later, my husband got a job offer with a company he really wanted to work for, so we moved to a different state. After that, going back to work seemed even less attainable and less necessary.

I have been a stay-at-home mom for seven years now. As my kids got older, it took me a while to see the purpose in this season. Now that both of my children are in school full-time, I’ve spent the last couple of years struggling with whether or not to go back to work.

After praying over this decision, I felt God calling me to be still in this season. I didn’t really know why. It seemed completely opposite of my previous years, when my days were filled with play and adventure with my kids. I didn’t know how to be still. So, I started to dive into the Word and deepen my relationship with God.

Last year, I asked God why I was still in this season of being still and why I wasn’t going back to work. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that I would not have the same relationship with God that I do now if I were working full-time. This was my time to dive into my relationship with God.

Tea and the Word

By listening to God and being obedient, I was able to grow in my faith. God knows that I am an all-in person. If I were working, I would be putting so much into teaching and parenting that I wouldn’t leave room for my relationship with Him to grow. It’s sad to say, but it’s the truth.

God has been hard at work in me these last few years. And I say “hard at work” because I can be a little stubborn and, well, extremely imperfect. He’s had a lot of work to do—and probably a lot more to go. I am a work in progress.

I am so grateful for the opportunity God gave me to really take the time and dive deeper into my relationship with Him. The space He created for me has allowed me to heal from things that have been holding me back. It has been about fine-tuning me and bringing me closer to Him. It has truly been a wonderful blessing.

At the start of this journey, I was so focused on myself that I couldn’t see the gift I was being given. I could only see what I wanted, not what I needed. I’m so thankful God gave me this time even when I didn't deserve and when I didn't appreciate it.

If you find yourself in a season you didn’t expect or didn’t want, trust that God is working and moving in your life. What you actually need may be found right where you are.