Helping Our Kids Be More Confident

Our kids are capable of so much more than we sometimes realize. My children constantly surprise me with what they can do and what they know. I'm sure your kids have astonished you a time or two.

I am part of a moms’ ministry at my church, which is very dear to my heart. This community of women is a powerful place to watch God move. Recently, someone in our group asked how we can help our kids be more confident in who they are and who God created them to be.

This question resonates with me because my oldest son lives with OCD. Over the past few years, we’ve worked hard to build his confidence so he can trust himself and his body because God created them to do amazing things.. We are not experts in this area, but we are always learning new ways to help our children grow in confidence. Here are a few things we’ve learned:

1. Tell Them

One way to instill confidence is to tell your children the qualities you see in them—or the qualities you hope to see. I’m not always the best at expressing things verbally, but I love writing notes for their lunchboxes. Sometimes I include Bible verses that remind them who God says they are. Other times, I write “You are” statements, like:

• “You are so brave! You showed courage when you played onstage for everyone.”

• “You are generous.” (Sharing can be a struggle in our house, so that note appears often!)

I also try to notice and affirm their unique personalities. For example, my youngest loves to build things out of what I call “trash,” but he sees it as something new and amazing. For him, I might write:

• “You are resourceful.”

• “You are a builder.”

If you aren't sure where to start, you can search Bible verses of who God say I am. There will be plenty. It's a wonderful to search for yourself as well.

2. Give Them Opportunities to Be Who God Says They Are

Another way we build confidence is by letting our kids do things they are physically and emotionally capable of—even if they struggle at first. If they can do it, we try to let them.

As moms, we love taking care of our families, and sometimes it’s hard to let go. But it’s important to let our kids complete tasks for themselves, even if it isn’t perfect. In fact, especially if it isn’t perfect! They need to know they can do it.

In our family, this looks like:

• Making their own water bottles for school

• Carrying their own bags (backpacks and sports bags)

• Cleaning their rooms and doing chores around the house

• Tying their own shoes

• Picking out their own clothes (even when they don't match)

• Making their own snacks and lunches (We have a chart with food options to help my oldest avoid feeling overwhelmed.)

• Order their own food at restaurants

My oldest is a natural conversationalist. Sometimes I want to ask him to stop talking to strangers, but I remind myself and him that this is a gift from God—one that can help bring others to know Jesus. So, I let him carry on conversations, even when it makes this introverted mom uncomfortable.

Let your kids be creative. Encourage them to try messy activities or things that make them (or you) a little nervous. My youngest loves to climb trees, which makes me anxious, but it’s part of how God created him—adventurous, curious, and brave. By letting him explore in a safe environment, he gets to be who God made him to be.

He’s also a budding entrepreneur and wants to start his own little business. We’re helping him with his new venture. Could he fail? Yes. But he could also learn so much more about who God created him to be in the process.

Letting our kids take risks can help them more than it might hurt them. Through therapy, we learned to ask ourselves if an action will benefit them in the long run. If the benefits are greater than the risks, we let them go ahead knowing this will help them build confidence in who God created them to be.

3. Tell Them You Trust Them

We can help our kids build confidence by showing them we trust them with age-appropriate tasks. When they complete a task, I make sure to say, “I’m so glad I trusted you with that.”

We do this more with our oldest, who is sometimes apprehensive and lets fear hold him back. We encourage him to try things that make him a little nervous. They may seem risky to him, but we know they’re safe. By facing these challenges, he learns that he is brave, strong, and courageous.

For example, he wanted to make hot chocolate a few months ago. He was nervous about burning himself, but I gave him instructions and waited nearby in case he needed help. He did it, and I made sure he knew how proud I was and I was so glad I trusted him to complete the task.

My youngest recently asked why I always ask him to turn off the water hose to the pool. I told him, “I know I can trust you to do it right away.” Honestly, I trust him more than myself in this area—I’ve been known to forget and let the pool overflow! Oops!

How Does This Build Their Confidence?

By telling our kids who God created them to be, giving them opportunities to live that out, and showing them we trust them, we help build their confidence. They begin to see that they possess the characteristics that have been spoken over them.

As I write this, I’m thinking of even more ways to let my kids be independent and build their confidence. Maybe you are, too. Remember, it doesn’t have to be big things. Small tasks can lead to major strides in confidence.

What are some ways you build confidence in your kids?